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Perseverance
The Sacred Art of Writing Through Grief
Whether we want it to or not, we all will go through hard things in life. Grief will come in some form or another, whether it be the loss of a loved one, the loss of a dream or expectation or relationship, or a diagnosis that changes everything. You know what your hard story is, and it can be shattering. All consuming. And eventually, you'll want something good to come of it. Or you’ll feel God calling you to share words of hope and healing to help others on a similar journey. I'm not a psychologist or expert on this matter. I'm simply a woman who has experienced a hard story of my own: Both of my boys received multiple diagnoses that would change the trajectory of our lives. I struggled with anxiety and depression while taking my kids to their numerous speech and physical therapy appointments. I questioned God’s goodness in this journey. But before long, God whispered a word to my grieving, anxious heart that changed everything for me: Embrace.
WritingDoes God Hear My Prayers?
The playground was bustling with laughter and movement, but my boys, then just two and four years old, played in their own quiet way. After a speech therapy session, we stopped at a nearby park, a familiar part of our speech therapy routine when the weather was nice. My older son wandered the perimeter of the playground and discovered sweet gum balls—a spiky green fruit on the gumtree but which dries out and turns brown and drops to the ground. He would pick up the prickly pods, inspect it between his fingers, then fling it at a tree, and walk a few steps until he found another gum ball. Another child, probably a year or so younger than my son, decided to join in. “Hey, Mommy! What are these things?” he called out. His mother, busy tending to a baby in a stroller, didn’t respond. I saw his shoulders slump, disappointment settling in. So, I answered his question.
PrayerWhen You Find Yourself Asking God "Why?"
When something unexpected happens in our life, or in our world, it's easy for us to ask God why it happened. We want to live the blessed "abundant life" (John 10:10b) that Jesus said He was bringing, and we forget that He also told us that "in this world, you will have trouble," John 16:33. We forget that all our favorite Bible characters had their share of struggles and grief and hard circumstances. Sometimes they experienced struggles for decades before they saw God's plan come to pass in their life. When both of my sons began to receive diagnosis after diagnosis, I continually asked God "Why? Why my child? Why both of my children? Why me? Why don't you heal them? Why is this special needs parenting thing so hard? Why do you feel so far away?" After months and months of pleading these questions and God not giving me an answer, I experienced a crisis of faith that scared me.
FaithWhat It Means to Trust The Good Shepherd
Life has been hard lately, and I've found myself clinging to Psalm 23. "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He lies me down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters, he restores my soul." Oh, that sounds so good. But if I'm truly honest, I don't feel those things most of the time. I know it's available, but I don't feel the peace and the nourishment and the restoration of my soul. But I surely do feel that valley. I feel like an antsy sheep, not at peace to lie down. And there are lots of things I want. Lots. And I think, am I doing something wrong? No, I don't think so. The more I read my Bible, the more I see the struggles that all our Bible heroes had in their lives. Their times of struggle and hardship, and sometimes waiting decades for God's plan to come through. It does, but not without some pain. And I believe they trust God, but they're not necessarily feeling Him close by and restoring their soul every single step of the way.
FaithHow to Trust God Like Ruth
For as long as I can remember, I have been drawn to Ruth from the Bible. Her devotion to her mother-in-law is inspiring. Her happily ever after is beautiful. But I've been thinking about what qualities I so admire in her. And I think it is simply that she simply put one foot in front of the other, trusting God with everything she did, without expecting a reward. That's it. When her husband died, she could have been consumed by that circumstance. Wallowed in self-pity. Thought the world and God owed her more than she had gotten. She could have gotten stuck in a pit of grief and bitterness like Naomi did. Now I’m sure she grieved. Grief is normal and healthy. Even Jesus experienced grief. Ruth just chose to not get stuck there. She decides to wipe her tears and embrace the life and the blessings she has. And she determines to remain true to the family she married into.
FaithLearning to Embrace Life and Trust God When Life is Hard
When I learned I was going to become a mother, the excitement was indescribable. I imagined the things I would do with my child, the play dates, the art projects we could do, the books we’d read, and places we would go. When a sweet baby boy was placed in my arms, I was instantly in love and had found a new purpose for my life. Two years later, we added another precious baby boy to our family. But before I’d even had a chance to get into the swing of being of a mother of two, my two-year-old son received a devastating diagnosis. Within the next two years, both boys would have a dozen diagnoses between them. My daydreams of motherhood were shattered, replaced with endless therapy appointments, battles with insurance companies and doctors, and an overwhelming loneliness I didn’t know how to handle. My emotional, spiritual, and physical health were deteriorating under the stress. Anxiety and depression took turns settling in and making themselves cozy.
FaithWhen You Find Yourself Asking God "Don't You Care?"
Have you ever felt let down by God, because something in life didn't go the way you planned? Have you ever wondered if God really cares because He seems very silent or distant to your current struggles? I have. As a special needs mother with two precious boys with special needs , I have questioned if God cared about our family every time another diagnosis, another hardship, another struggle came our way. I was relieved to see that other Bible heroes voiced this same exact question to Jesus. First, in Mark 4:35-38 when the disciples and Jesus were on the boat and a storm hit and the disciples were terrified while Jesus slept peacefully. "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" they demanded. And secondly, in Luke 10:38-40, Martha is bustling about making last minute preparations to feed at least thirteen hungry men supper, while her sister is sitting around.
FaithEmbracing Joy No Matter What Our Circumstances Look Like
I met Adria Wilkins last year at a local writing event. My first impression of her was that she was a smiley, joyful person. She radiates joy. We connected over the fact we were both writers AND that we both had experience as special needs mothers. And then she shared with me her story, one that I wasn’t expecting from someone so joyful. Her precious son, Blake, had passed away when he was three, and despite that great loss Adria was now about to publish a book about finding joy. In her grief, Adria sought the Lord and found that "Jesus sustains, and even surprises His followers with joy." A few weeks ago I got to celebrate with her at her book launch party of The Joy Box Journal . Adria lives joy and she wrote a book about it, and I am so proud to call her friend. And now, without any further ado, here are some thoughts from Adria Wilkins, some of which are excerpts from her newly released Joy Box Journal : “For we are God’s handiwork.
Special needs